Sixteen Random Facts About Siggy You May Not Know

A serendipitous virtual encounter with Moggs Oceanlane ended in my adding her blog to my list of "places to visit when I'm feeling like avoiding real work." She issued a Plurk challenge to "Post your RL pic and 16 random facts about your person."

Well, an appeal to my ego always works simply because;

1. I am far more shallow than I may seem. The concept of "depth" doesn't apply. If I appear to be deep in thought about, say, the vicissitudes of the Manichean heresy against the backdrop of postmodern revisionism, I'm actually more likely to be thinking of large breasted women. Naked.

Having addressed the first random fact, here are the rest:

2. I firmly believe that shit happens; that shit happens all the time; that shit happens to everyone; and that shit always happens with a vengeance. This is so true that when anyone asks you any question, simply answering with the word "shit" is going to work 99% of the time. (Q: "Hey, Sig, how are you feeling" A: "Shit.")

3. I'm absolutely sure that Chaos is the natural order of things. This is a corollary of 2, and the only way to explain the perversity of the universe. In a vain, pointless attempt to dissuade us from committing suicide, Mother Nature ensured that our brains are wired to assume that there is order and purpose in our existence. This, however, is shit. Order and purpose are pure illusions - only there to stop us from (a) realizing that life is meaningless and (b) sticking our heads down toilets and repeatedly flushing until we drown.

4. I always buy belts so they fasten on the third hole.

5. I prefer the window seat on a plane. That way if there is an horrendous crash, I can at least see it rather than sit wondering what the fuck is happening.

6. Like all men, I am driven by the desire for three things: Sex, Food, and Money. And money is just a way of getting to food and sex. And I'd rather have sex than steak.

7. My cute British accent is only cute if you are not British. Otherwise I don't actually have an accent.

8. I have taken a piss out of the door of a moving locomotive while traveling at 70 miles per hour. I'm not necessarily proud of that but I was (a) drunk, (b) young, and (c) unable to find sex, food, or money on the train.

9. My "stripper name" would be Candy Levant. For those who don't know, your stripper name is (a) the name of your first pet and (b) the name of the first street on which you lived.

10. I have been officially reprimanded by guards at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, the Prado Museum in Madrid, and the South Australian Museum in Adelaide; each time for nothing worse than trying to take photos. I failed to get ejected from the National Palace Museum in Taipei so my "Bad Boy of Culture" status is waning.

11. I actually helped oust the Taiwanese President Chen Shui-bian by taking part in a protest in 2006. This wasn't a political choice but I wanted the cool T-shirt the people were all wearing, and once I'd bought the shirt, people came up to me, shaking my hand, hugging me, and taking pictures! Once I was recognized as "an international protester" supporting the People, I couldn't just walk away so ended up on the front line waving my fist with all the other protesters. I still have the cool T-shirt but Chen Shui-ban doesn't have his job.

12. When I was 14-years-old, I made money at my old school by selling pornography from the Tuck Shop. It was an all-boys Catholic Grammar School (those who went to such an establishment know what I mean) and so there was a demand for porn that I felt I could meet. A friend would steal the porn from a newsagents and I would then sell it. Capitalism at its finest, I think.

13. My three favorite books are The Metamorphoses by Ovid, Zorba the Greek by Nikos Kazantzakis, and The Magus by John Fowles. I have many other "favorites" but these are the ones I re-read at least annually. I actually travel with Ovid (the title of my yet-to-be-written book - Traveling With Ovid.)

14. When terrorists crashed into the twin towers on September 11th, 2001, I was stranded in South Beach, Miami, FL. Stranded. I had to stay there for three days, trapped by the beach, stuck in the bars, and forced to eat out at expensive restaurants. Shit happens - but sometimes your shit isn't as bad as other people's shit.

15. I can go from being outrageously arrogant to irritatingly depressed. This, of course, is fairly normal for human beings but I mention it because I like to feel normal.

16. My favorite fruit is the banana. It looks good, tastes good, and has a really really cool name. In fact, I suspect banana is one of my favorite words. Well, that and sex, food, and money.

So there you have it: Sixteen glimpses into the soul of an avatar. Now go away and make your own list and remember to send me the link. Hey, I'll show you mine if you show me yours!