Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad slipped on a wet floor this morning. After getting back on his feet, he immediately contacted the Iranian state-run TV service to present a three-hour tirade on why the US and the UK were behind the slip. He allegedly has proof that the soap manufacturers are being supplied by the US with extra slippy soap so as to cause mass chaos in Iranian bathrooms.
To support his allegations, he produced the bodies of three Iranians who had admitted to being pawns of the Great Satan - just before being executed. He waved their signed confessions dramatically, although for security reasons, he was unable to provide any copies to anyone.
Ahmadinejad said that revenge would be swift and proportionate, such as a nuclear missile fired at Israel - which, he hesitated to add, Iran does not possess. "But if it DID," he said, "we would be targeting all soap factories that are actually covert CIA operations."
At the end of the briefing, he dropped his pencil - and promptly blamed the UK government, the "lapdogs of the Capitalist aggressors."