Cal and Hal have just three weeks to cross Europe in order to win a contest with a prize of 5 million dollars. With only 10 dollars each and a change of clothes, they have to visit nine cities and collect a souvenir from each to prove they've been there. Unfortunately, their obsessions for drinking and women keep getting in the way! Will they win the money, or find something better?
Cal had about as much chance of scoring with Danielle as a psychotic killer with a machete has of becoming a childcare specialist; perhaps even less. She had the sort of looks that would make a Supermodel want to go out and have more plastic surgery, and wore the sort of clothes that the same Supermodel could only borrow for a photoshoot. Still, Cal was convinced he had a chance.
"Dude," said Hal, "she really wants you. I mean, she is so hot for you that even I'm getting horny!"
"Yeah man," slurred Cal, "she's, like, totally into me. It's like Karma."
Cal really meant to say "kismet," but vocabulary was never one of his strong points. To be brutally honest, although English was ostensibly his first language, he seemed to have invented a new language all of his own. Compared to Cal, a Neanderthal would be considered erudite. Somehow, he had managed to make do without the necessity to divide words into Nouns, Verbs and Adjectives, opting instead for randomly tossing words together based on which ones made it into his mouth first.
And like a pair of twins who make their own secret language, Cal and Hal had managed to linguistically cut themselves off from the rest of the world at large while maintaining the delusion that other people could understand them. One Englishman had spent three hours on a train station listening to them make noises, convinced that his inability to comprehend what they were saying was due to his hearing aid being faulty, and, being English, he felt it would be bad manners to excuse himself. By skillfully making noncommittal grunts and random head nods, he succeeded in convincing the guys that he was totally enthralled by their wit and charm. Fortunately, the train eventually arrived and he terminated the conversation by throwing himself under it.
"OK dude," said Cal, "this is it. The Cal-Man strikes!"
Pushing his chair back slowly, Cal stood up and started making his way across the cafe for his date with Destiny. But in his effort to look totally cool, he failed to notice that between him and his target was Danielle's poodle. God was most certainly not on his side, but Beelzebub clearly was...