Jan 16, 2009

Seven Reasons Why Prim Babies Are Better Than Real Babies

I don't understand why people have prim babies. Mind you, I don't understand why real people have real babies. Sure, I know HOW - but not WHY. And of all the real-life behaviors to carry over into Second Life, having babies strikes me as one of the lower priority ones.

However, if there's one thing, I can't stand it's intolerance. Oh, and someone using a preposition to end a sentence with. So I sat down with a large cup of tea, a medium-sized pencil, and a small doll with a removable head, and wrote down the seven top reasons why prim babies are better than real ones.

7. Short pregnancy. None of this nine-months of looking like a small planetoid shit, but a six-eight week gestation period and - plop! - there it is.

6. Pain free. I'm sure that for most women in real life, there's nothing more satisfying than feeling every little kick, each retching stomach, and every insertion of the needle during the post-birth episiotomy. But in Second Life, you can get by with second best and skip the pleasure of pain

5. Choice of gender - or even species. Misogynists and misandrists alike can avoid the need for abortion if the fetus turns out to be the wrong sex. No need to suffocate girls or dump baby boys on Mt. Tayegatus.

4. Optional skins and faces. Many real babies have faces that look like a deformed toad sucking a lemon. Of course, social etiquette demands we should make no mention of this, avoid throwing up, and not suggest the name of a good plastic surgeon. With primmy babies, your little bundle of joy can be as pretty as you can afford.

3. De-scriptable. Although primmy babies make demands of their parents, such behavior is scripted and a right click will let you go in and rip out the little squawker's programing for good. Less risk of child abuse. With a real life baby, you have to use duct tape to keep them quiet.

2. They fit nicely in your inventory. In RL, there are times you want to pawn your brat off with someone else or flush it down a toilet. Doing the latter is typically frowned upon so is rarely a recommended option. However, as SL babies are cute little bundles of prims, they can be treated like any other object and popped back in the inventory any time you like. Sweet!

1. De-rezzable. For most of we real parents, having to wait 20+ years to get the little horrors off our hands, out of our houses, and away from our bank accounts, is a soul-destroying, morale-crushing brutal slog that makes us yearn for death or a lobotomy. But primmy babies can be dropped in the trash can without suffering the wrath of child services or an expensive law suit.

It would seem that neither the drugs nor the sensitivity training is working out for me.

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